Why i did what i did

A lot of times you have to make decisions that are too heavy for your heart, most of the time you are unwilling to even make those decisions but the life we live doesn’t give us an option. Because everything seems to hang still until you make them. Sometimes those decisions become a super success story for you but sometimes they are nothing but regret. To live your life you need to accept that both are parts of your life and to move forward you do not want to affect your decision-making in the future. Baggage of the past is something you have to let go of, but no just let go, you have to learn that lesson and then move forward. Sometimes I go back in the memory lane just to go over certain memories, so I don’t repeat the same mistake. Sometimes you are the one who was wrong, it’s all about accepting and letting it go. I read a blog where someone presented their prominent life choices and how they view them now, so thought I might give it a shot as well.

To The Super Saiyan:

Dear You,

Why am I writing about you? Well because you were my first crush or innocent love as one says. I always had this innocent infatuation with you and at that time I felt that you were in it too. We never said anything, we didn’t make a big deal out of it, after all, we were kids. I genuinely admire and respect you now and consider you as a very good friend. Why I ended my feelings or stopped that direction, well I thought that we were too diverse and it was, of course, something that could cause a bit of chaos for people around us and since it was all friendly, I thought that was the best option and luckily that decision turned out pretty well. I hope you stay super happy 🙂

Thank You

To the Genius Stalker:

Dear You,

Ah, where to start? instead of diving into who was wrong and who played whom, I’ll just ponder on my feeling and my decision unbiased. I didn’t fall for you at the start, it was never love at first sight for me as it was for you. I was super annoyed at your clinginess but that’s the exact thing that made me fall for you later on. I admire your resolve, strength, and consistency and how you made me understand what Love was actually. But sadly you were also the one who made me realize that Love can be shattered into thousands of pieces and can never turn back. You made me believe in all that just to make me understand that it was all for nothing. Why did I end it? I couldn’t come to terms with someone super manipulative and who had such a big ego that he couldn’t realize what he was losing and never budged an inch when all could have been fixed with just a little effort. Did I regret it? Yes for a while, Now? Nope, I did what I could do, said what I said, tried what I tried, so it was all on you.  But I do wish nothing but goodness and happiness for you.

Cheers!

To The Rich Jerk:

Dear You,

Well, what can I say something nice about you? Let me think for a while… Anyways writing about the positives, you were someone who gave me a glimmer of hope after my dark period. You showered me with compliments and helped me imagine myself with a new person which I was struggling to do so.  Who was very charming and of course very flirty- which was something I disliked but I thought if I wanted to move on it’s okay to just accept that. And oh boy I was wrong. Why I did end things with you? Well, you went behind my back and tried to start things with other girls and cheating was something I don’t approve of. It was the easiest decision ever.

Good Luck with life.

To Honest Gunman:

Dear You

When I think about you, all it comes to mind was how easy it was with you and how good you made me feel. I didn’t have to ask for your attention, I didn’t have to wonder if you were interested in someone else, I didn’t have to think about those mind games, it was like for the first time that I was with someone I didn’t have to teach him something and that he knew how to do this all. It was like a transition from boy to someone who was a gentleman. I admire everything about you. Why did it end for me? The speed of how things were progressing and how the reality scared me. Distance and those alone times were something that haunted me to hell, and I just freaked out how I would be hurt if it got super deep. Yep, I screwed. Do I regret it? Yes, I used to. Now? Nope, I think it’s okay now because I picked self-love above choosing someone else. I feel that I deserve someone who is easily available and can give me reassuring words or presence when I need it.

Stay Happy Always!

To The Confused Giant

Dear You

What can I say for an unofficial and unspoken tie? But here I am writing about you cause you did become someone that my heart cared for… still do. I never was looking for love, I never was looking to even meet someone as I had all my hopes shattered. But you somehow gave me hope. You were nice, caring, and in a literal sense there for me when I was in a very dark place. You made me open my heart again, you made me laugh, sing and it was all that I needed. I genuinely thought that this chemistry was mutual and this might go someplace someday. Why did I stop it all? When I realized I wasn’t the only one you were making it feel this way. Maybe it was a misunderstanding but the fact that you blamed me with undirect hints instead of getting vocal about it and asking me out openly.  This made me realize you weren’t mature enough to deal with this stuff. I know you still care but the fact that you were so unsure and confused about me, made me back off. As I think I deserve someone who is sure about me, who is sure about being in love with me, and has the courage to admit and ask for it openly.

Stay Happy & Blessed

Greedy Little Devil

Dear You,

I met you when I was looking for someone to settle down with. Cause why not? My Family was asking for it, and so did everyone around me. I thought It might not be that one, after all, one day everyone has to do it, No? You made it seem too easy to love you. Being there for me, planning our future together, talking about the living arrangements, kids, and what not, even up to the point of deciding dresses and if we wanted a photoshoot or not…Guess that all blinded me about how you were using me all the time to set up your business and more like trying to use me as a cog in your business system to punch out more money, cause after all that is what you all cared about. For me, it was about making cards for you, sending you stuff, finding reasons to love you, and for you to just pull out at the last end when it came super close because I wasn’t putting it out like others right? Or maybe because I said no to us doing business as I just wanted love and peace for us and not something we fight over. I have nothing to say to you I guess, I hope you make a ton of money because that is what really matters to you. And I also hope that the emotional capacity you lack you get mature about that too. Never want you back.

Good Luck!

And that’s it, that’s all I have to say. It might seem like a couple of random names, hints, and paragraphs, but the weight this had on my heart while writing this is something unexplainable. I hope everyone struggling can realize that it’s completely okay to start new and hope for positivity ahead. As soon as you start to accept your decisions and their consequences, you will move ahead on your own. Peace, Love, and Light for everyone out there!