Stains on my Heart
Spilled ink, broken pen, and indescribable emotions. Jumbled words, torn feelings, and a basket full of paper balls. Fleeting courage, desires, hopes, and hidden signals. Impeccable control, being realistic and strings tangled.
What is this feeling? What is that hope that builds you up and crumbles you down? You think you have something going on but is it really? Maybe it’s something all in your mind and you are just being delusional. But then your heart whispers that this spark is unusual, what you feel is real and maybe this is the light you were looking for after all. But how do you know which one is correct, how can you get out of this maze and clear this fog. Are we just supposed to wander around in this fog tumbling over stones, getting hurt in-process, and maybe finding someone worth clinging to? Life’s an endless hollow you run away from that emptiness, craving for that shred of hope of togetherness, yet the far you get from it, the faster that hollow creeps over sucking everything inside it. It’s when your demons haunt you at night but also in burning daylight. It’s when your friends don’t understand why you are stuck in a cyclone and not picking a way out. Sometimes when your heart takes too many strikes it fails to muster up learning spirit and courage to dodge the next strike, it’s more like your heart surrenders itself to be left in hurt. It bleeds and bleeds to no avail.
For some people, it’s super easy to just finish something and then pick up a new path but those who invest their soul into it can not do so. It’s not like they don’t have alternative paths, they do have the opportunities but it’s their will that gets torn apart. It’s like they don’t have the will to move forward. They might pretend all courageous with dazzling smiles that put up a decent facade that wipes away that screaming depression. But inside it’s tearing them apart. I wish I could shake you so hard and scream all my frustrations at you. I want to open up my heart and show you the hurt I have inside. Being innocent and acting all victim is the worse thing that one can do when that person was themselves involved. Leading someone on and then pulling back, whatever the circumstances were it’s not acceptable. I mean why is there any need for games and hints and puzzles, isn’t growing up suppose to be not this stuff, or does the teen drama drags on with one’s life.
I guess this is why a lot of us believe in heaven and paradise. Maybe ultimate happiness isn’t meant for this world. Or at least for a few of us.