Losing people you love is always hard. Losing doesn’t mean that they won’t be a part of your life anymore or they have departed from this world, sometimes losing means that you won’t be their special someone anymore. Cause now they have someone else in their life, who is more important than you.
I lost my best friend , i lost “A” . A person who had been part of life since the last 10 years , my each special memory, my thoughts and my unspoken words were filled with her. She left me, it’s not like it was her decision, but i can’t seem to come in terms with this fact that she won’t be mine alone now. The sacred bond that we shared with each other is now terminated and her strings are now interconnected with somebody else , who is not me.
What should you do when you get the news that your best friend is getting married? Normally people would be happy and excited to hear that but it wasn’t the case with me. Although i wanted to see her happy and i would do anything for her happiness but i felt in my heart that this was not what she wanted. She felt pressurized, when you know a person deeply , you can easily read them when something seems off. And that’s what i did , i could see her fake smile and nods in front of people who congratulated her but no one saw the sorrow in her eyes. I wanted to shake her and scream at her face as to why she was agreeing to marry this random person and why was she sacrificing her life. But i don’t know what stopped me, maybe the fact that everybody around her was so excited that i didn’t want to kill their mood. Or maybe i was a coward who could not stand up to her folks for this.
Days went by ,the dates got closer. But i hoped in my heart that something could stop this. But it didn’t and that day came when things got finalized, the day i wept insanely while she sat in that car and drove away with that stranger. The night before , she asked me to stay with her and so i did, wishing that the morning would never come. As she put her head in my lap and i ran my fingers through her hairs, i prayed silently that somehow i could travel back in time and stop all of this. I always believed in the superficial things, like power of love, destiny etc. But that night it dawned on me that those were just myths, nothing but rumors as nothing happened. I tossed and turned the whole night, woke up several times just to check up on her. She was sleeping beside me and i wanted to just take her far away from this misery, she had rough lines on her forehead as if in her dreams she was in a fight with someone.
That night still haunts me, its been what 5 days and i cannot sleep at night. Eating had been on the downhill too, specially whatever the dinner intake is, it just comes out straight. It’s like a trance that i am living in , sleeping all day , lucid dreaming and pure agony that tears up the heart. It’s not like i didn’t want her to get married, i did. But not like this, not like knowing that she is sad. I always thought that i would find the most perfect guy for her, someone who would care and love her more than i do, someone who she feels at peace with , someone who would devote his whole life for her happiness. But it doesn’t feel right at all, and all i could hope that my senses are telling me wrong and it doesn’t happen. I hope and i pray that he could be that guy i dreamed for her, he could give her all the happiness that she deserves and he could be her knight in shining armor.
I love you A and i cannot imagine my life without you and these few days have been pure misery for me. I wish i had the power to give all the happiness of my part and my life to you. I could live empty handed but contended knowing that you are happy and doing fine. Cause for me to be happy i need you to be happy.